Top Ten Golf Pet Peeves
We all experience them at one point or another: golf pet peeves. Those little annoyances on the golf course that bother us to no end, yet we choose to deal with because we love this game so damn much. And because we are all horribly addicted to golf. Many of these irksome elements are uncontrollable by anyone. Most actually have a rational place on a golf course. Regardless, they still tick us off no matter how many times we encounter them.
Here is a list of the top ten golf pet peeves that you may run into during your next golf round. While this is by no means an exhaustive list, I'll bet you can relate to a few.
10) "Cartpath Only" Days -- Your hometown has just been through a week of rain storms prior to your golf round at a classy course. Fairways are more sponge than grass and bunkers have turned into mini-ponds. Prior to teeing off, the pro shop clerk tells you to "Keep your cart on the path, sir". Now you have to spend the rest of the day trudging through hundreds of yards of soaking wet grass to your golf ball (which always lands on the side of the hole opposite the cart path). If you wanted to walk this much in the first place you would have saved the $16 cart fee. Better yet, just let me dip my feet in the toilet and go on with my day.
9) The Golf Ball Retriever Guy -- Commonly found near most lakes at municipal courses, this is a golfer who spends upwards of 15 minutes fishing for golf balls. What makes this guy even worse is that he continues to search the lake long after finding his Dunlop Trusty Flight Two-Piece. Whenever he pulls his ball retriever out of his bag I feel like jamming a golf tee in my eye. Or his eye, for that matter.
8) Golf Holes Next to the Driving Range -- So you just hooked your drive into the left rough on a hole that runs parallel to driving range. You might as well kiss your Pro-V away, folks, because you will be spending the rest of the afternoon searching for it among a sea of scuffed Top-Flite range balls. You know that feeling you get when you think you finally found your golf ball? Get ready to feel it 100 times over the next five minutes.
7) Irons-Only Driving Ranges -- Speaking of driving ranges, did you folks know there are some courses who are prejudice against drivers? Irons-only driving ranges are the ultimate test in self-control and temptation. Here's an idea: instead of installing a 200-yard crappy range on the property, invest in a better course drainage system so I don't have to keep my cart on the path (see No. 10 above).
6) "Can You See the Hole?" -- I know this is a common golf etiquette question players should ask one another before pulling the flagstick, but it still bothers me to no end. Not only are you questioning your opponent's eyesight, but you are bringing attention to the fact that he is a looooonnnnggggg way from the hole. This is even worse when you are on the receiving end of the question.
5) Ball Markers on Golf Gloves -- Some players might not even know what I am referring to, but it's that little button-looking thing on your golf glove. Seriously, take a look for it the next time you play. That is a ball marker that you are guaranteed to lose seven seconds after placing it on the green. Have fun!
4) Fivesomes -- Holy lord. There are fewer things in life that drive me crazy more than seeing five golfers in the group in front of me. This is absolutely the fault of the pro shop or first tee starter, but some of the blame has to be placed on the five jerkholes playing Wolf in front of you. Keep groups to four players at most, or get some more friends.
3) PGA Tour Style, Hacker Game -- I'll admit; I am as guilty of this as the next guy. You get all dolled up in your best golf attire to play a round with your buds only to shoot 120. "Hey, at least you look the part" really means "Hey douchebag, I bet you wish your golf game was as classy as those pants." Try not to be that guy.
2) "What's the course record?" -- Have you ever heard a guy (usually the same dude from No. 3 above) ask this question in the pro shop before teeing off? I have, and let me tell you: there is an extremely small number of things that can come out of your mouth that make you look like more of a jerk. What's the course record, Shooter? Oh, it's sixty- PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.
1) Practice Greens that are Slower than the Actual Greens -- This is actually something that happens and it isn't (always) an excuse poor putters use. It is also the number one pet peeve of mine because I see it far too often. I once spoke to the greens superintendent at my local course to confirm that, yes, the practice greens are often mowed hours later than the other greens on the course. No wonder my 10-footer just turned into a 25-footer in the blink of an eye.
What are some additional golf pet peeves that you experience on the golf course? Feel free to add them to the comments section below.