How to become the world's greatest golf blogger
So you want to become a golf blogger, eh? Struggling with where to begin? Not sure how sarcastic you should be, or what equipment to purchase, or how many semi-nude women you should put on your site? Never fear! Your good friend Adam is here to help. So sit back, crack open your sixth beer and prepare yourself for a crash course in Golf Blogging 101.
Let's get started!
Step 1: Don't go to journalism school
The best part about being a golf blogger is that all you need to get started is a computer, an internet connection, a couch, and fingers. Notice that I didn't say you needed any concept of journalistic integrity, proper grammar, nor the English language. Hell, you don't even need to like golf that much.
History tells us that blogs were invented for people who want to be published but don't have time to jump through hoops like "going to college," "earning a degree in journalism" or "doing research." Besides, wouldn't it be super-depressing if you had done all those things and had to settle for blogging because no one else would hire you? That's embarrassing, so don't do that. Show yourself some respect for crying out loud.
Step 2: Understand that Tiger Woods is your best friend
As a precursor to this very important step, it is in your best interest to forget everything you know about common sense and immediately accept Tiger Woods as your Lord and Savior. He will lead you to the promised land.
Helpful tip: Anything that you ever write in your blog will never get as much reader traffic as an article about Tiger Woods.
This is not a joke. Any true golf blogger worth is weight in ball-markers knows that simply writing the words "Tiger Woods" in the body of a post will make you internet famous. It is in your best interest to cover anything that Tiger Woods does in life, such as (but not limited to):
- Getting out of his car in the parking lot
- Getting into his car in the parking lot after another WD
- Commenting on where he might park his car in a parking lot
- Losing any body part on his incredibly chiseled frame
- Dating another white lady
Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods.
Step 3: Let other people do the work for you
One perk of being a golf blogger and knowing how the world wide web works is that other writers have already written about the topic you want to cover. All you have to do is know where to look.
A simple Google search of the term "golf" will yield thousands of results that you can easily copy and paste into the body of your post. Think of it like borrowing books from the library. But you take a stop at the copier before leaving. And you don't have a library card.
Attributing sources or credit is for the weak. Everyone prefers mystery. Just ask Jack Bauer or that English dude from Downton Abbey. No, the other one.
Step 4: Twitter take the wheeeeeeelll...
I got tired and confused so I asked Twitter to tell me what good golf bloggers need.
@AdamJFonseca Need a good coach. Lots of lumbar support.
— Trevor Reaske (@TrevorReaske) March 12, 2015
Whatever Trev, I know what you meant and you totally meant coach. And you probably meant this guy:
Which is weird because he taught football in a fictional college on television, which is not a piece of equipment necessary to become a golf blogger. Why are you trying to confuse us?
@AdamJFonseca An arsenal of hot takes.
— Chris Chaney (@Wrong_Fairway) March 12, 2015
For those unaware, a "hot take" is a very scientific term that means "incredibly important opinion that came from heaven" or "anything that No Laying Up writes." Having an arsenal of them is important for any golf blogger because at any given time you can just write Tiger Woods is broken and hates golf and is a little ugly and get a million page views.