Anything Tiger Can Do, Phil Can Do Better
In an effort to stay on top of the golfing world and sports headlines everywhere, Phil Mickelson has decided to try his hand in the cheating department.
According to the Huffington Post, Scott McCarron has issued a statement suggesting that Mickelson cheated during this past week's PGA Tour stop because he was using the new Ping-Eye 2 wedges, which features square grooves.
Looking further into this issue, and using an incomperable sense of boredom and imagination, I decided to contact Lefty in order to dive a little deeper in yet another "cheating" topic on the PGA Tour.
When asked why he decided to take the risk of using a new type of groove technology in an obvious response to recent rules changes on the Tour, Mickelson had the following to say:
"With all of this talk about Tiger cheating and transgressing and pumping other things than his fists, I simply could not stand reading another tabloid headline with his name. I mean, gee golly, I can't even buy a gallon of milk at the supermarket without seeing that guy's ugly mug in the checkout line!"
One to never back down from a challenge involving Mr. Woods, Mickelson has chosen to take the stance that if Tiger can get his name in the headlines by cheating on his wife, then Phil can do so by cheating on his fellow competitors.
Jim "Bones" MacKay defended his boss while offering a new rationale behind the dishonesty surrounding the former Major champion.
"Hell, as long as he's not driving the ball 200 yards into the trees and costing me a paycheck, I don't care if he bends over and shoots the ball out of his behind."
When asked to comment on Lefty's new competitive edge in the cheating department, Tiger Woods had the following to say: "I like boobs."
*Note: Everything other than the Huffington Post article above should be considered complete hogwash. Except for what Bones said.